I stumbled upon this looking for the video since everyone insisted I see it...
http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=3979
Are you kidding me? Don't buy into this crap. I have the REAL secret meaning to Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" video right here and it makes a LOT more sense than anything you'll read at the link above or anywhere else on the internet...
The video was released June 7th - 2 weeks later, people still care to talk about it
TWO WEEK OLD PRESS AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO STOP...everything this chick does is instant press for herself
/mystery
Media Suckerlessly Yours,
SarahM
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Fabulous New Diet!
Forget an Acai Berry or a Tapeworm. Throw out your books on Atkins and Zone diets. Stop counting calories and gauging fats and carbs and sugars. I'm here to tell you about the BEST new "fad diet"...Being Broke
If you ever met anyone in college that gained the "freshman fifteen," be friends with them immediately because their parents are rich, or they are disillusioned into believing they will make enough money in the long run to pay back their extraordinary loans (that they undoubtedly were approved for because their parents are rich) The only assholes that gain the "freshman fifteen" are the lazy porkers who are reveling in their first time away from mommy and daddy, with all the same comforts of still having their hand in their parent's wallet. To avoid being fat, be independent, and look damn good doing it through no choice of your own.
When I tried college for the first time, I didn't have much at all. I didn't have a meal plan or a place to take naps between classes because I couldn't afford to live on campus. I didn't have much of my own money left over in my savings after books and bills and gas. The little my parent's did give me all went to tuition so I wouldn't have to take out a large loan. The minuscule scholarship I won covered greedy expenses like my equipment for Japanese Tea Ceremony classes, and paying my friends half price in cash to eat on their prepaid meal plans. And you know what? I looked GREAT! That semester opened my eyes to the easiest way to loose weight - Not eating! Not because I wasn't hungry, or because I was trying to loose weight, or even because I didn't have the time. I literally could not afford to eat, and I lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds in 4 months!
Once I dropped out of college and had money again, it never occurred to me I would gain the weight back and was confused when I had to start a real diet of healthier food and regular exercise. I attributed this to my increasing age, not bank account and didn't remember my awesome/easy/forced diet...until now. Yes, now that I am broke again I am looking better than ever! So I thought I would share the steps to the best fad diet since baby food.
I can't say in the least bit this is a healthy "diet" but it's quick, and if you are doing it right, it is extremely easy! The first step to this diet is to not have money, and that is a lot easier than you think. You could not have money for any reason you'd like, which is the most appealing part of this diet as it makes you feel like you are in control. For example, you could have a serious drug or gambling problem, buy yourself a brand new pimped out car, have a baby, travel the world, or buy some nouveau riche crap to decorate your house with. Or, like myself, you could just not make enough money at your day job to cover your day to day expenses! Being broke really just consists of spending more money than you make...just not on food.
The second step is to realize your priorities, such as bill paying, needing clothes, or wanting to get your nails done. Make eating the least important of your priorities and SHA-ZAM! it will be the hardest thing to justify spending money on. Once you get into the habit of preferring shiny objects to self preservation, the next step is to mind your P's and S's...Portions and Substitutions
Portioning is probably the hardest part of this "diet" but is still pretty damn easy! Because you are broke and you can't justify spending money on food at this point, you are going to have to justify eating at all by making sure what you are eating is healthy. "Healthy? I thought you said this was EASY and ENJOYABLE" Relax! First of all I never said starving yourself was going to be enjoyable, but eating healthy is a lot easier when you are Portioning. You want to buy things that you can get two or more meals from to make the cost worth it. The less you eat the smaller your stomach gets and the less you can eat in one sitting anyway, so in the long run your body will basically force you to not be able to finish a whole sandwich at one time. When you MUST spend money on food, don't run out and buy the whole dollar menu, go to a store and look for the same thing you enjoy with a lean twist, or a way to buy what you enjoy in bulk pre-portioned packs. Most things that say "Low Carb" "No Fat" or "Lean" aren't really that much better for you anyway, so it's the AMOUNT of what you are eating that is important. Just because Hot Pockets come 2 in a box, doesn't mean you need to eat both, and Lean Pockets taste just as damn good!
Substitution is the last part, and is as simple as it sounds. When you are hungry, drink something instead of eating something. A drink is most often cheaper than any kind of meal, even a small one, and can make you feel just as full if you drink something good. Obviously the more water you drink the better hydrated you are and the more you can flush your system, but let's face it, water isn't going to keep you from passing out at any given moment from the lack of nutrition your body is getting. Get water with vitamins, or a sports drink, if you are on the go. Coffee, tea (iced or hot) and fruit punch can be purchased as mixes so you can add as much or as little as you would like to some water. Obviously the less you use, the more drinks you will be able to make, cheaper. SODA IS NOT RECOMMENDED EVER. It will probably dehydrate you more, and since you are already starving yourself, it's not the best idea. Try to stay away from sugar as a whole as it is not very good for you, and if you live in America they are going to start taxing it anyway! Other substitutions for eating include: gum chewing, job hunting, smoking, sleeping, exercising and taking up a hobby. The most effective beside drinking is probably smoking as it will make you feel sick enough to not want to eat, and will shorten the life span that you want to be skinny for anyway!
And there you have it! You will have things you want, AND a nicer figure. All by simply refusing to pay for things you need, like food. When people ask you if you have an eating disorder, tell them to read up on the new awesome diet "Being Broke" here at OMB! When they tell you this is probably not a real diet and the person who writes this blog is a sarcastic prick who makes you think your bad ideas and lifestyles are perfectly OK, eat them...I'm sure you will be hungry enough to by then!
Hungrily Yours,
SarahM
If you ever met anyone in college that gained the "freshman fifteen," be friends with them immediately because their parents are rich, or they are disillusioned into believing they will make enough money in the long run to pay back their extraordinary loans (that they undoubtedly were approved for because their parents are rich) The only assholes that gain the "freshman fifteen" are the lazy porkers who are reveling in their first time away from mommy and daddy, with all the same comforts of still having their hand in their parent's wallet. To avoid being fat, be independent, and look damn good doing it through no choice of your own.
When I tried college for the first time, I didn't have much at all. I didn't have a meal plan or a place to take naps between classes because I couldn't afford to live on campus. I didn't have much of my own money left over in my savings after books and bills and gas. The little my parent's did give me all went to tuition so I wouldn't have to take out a large loan. The minuscule scholarship I won covered greedy expenses like my equipment for Japanese Tea Ceremony classes, and paying my friends half price in cash to eat on their prepaid meal plans. And you know what? I looked GREAT! That semester opened my eyes to the easiest way to loose weight - Not eating! Not because I wasn't hungry, or because I was trying to loose weight, or even because I didn't have the time. I literally could not afford to eat, and I lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds in 4 months!
Once I dropped out of college and had money again, it never occurred to me I would gain the weight back and was confused when I had to start a real diet of healthier food and regular exercise. I attributed this to my increasing age, not bank account and didn't remember my awesome/easy/forced diet...until now. Yes, now that I am broke again I am looking better than ever! So I thought I would share the steps to the best fad diet since baby food.
I can't say in the least bit this is a healthy "diet" but it's quick, and if you are doing it right, it is extremely easy! The first step to this diet is to not have money, and that is a lot easier than you think. You could not have money for any reason you'd like, which is the most appealing part of this diet as it makes you feel like you are in control. For example, you could have a serious drug or gambling problem, buy yourself a brand new pimped out car, have a baby, travel the world, or buy some nouveau riche crap to decorate your house with. Or, like myself, you could just not make enough money at your day job to cover your day to day expenses! Being broke really just consists of spending more money than you make...just not on food.
The second step is to realize your priorities, such as bill paying, needing clothes, or wanting to get your nails done. Make eating the least important of your priorities and SHA-ZAM! it will be the hardest thing to justify spending money on. Once you get into the habit of preferring shiny objects to self preservation, the next step is to mind your P's and S's...Portions and Substitutions
Portioning is probably the hardest part of this "diet" but is still pretty damn easy! Because you are broke and you can't justify spending money on food at this point, you are going to have to justify eating at all by making sure what you are eating is healthy. "Healthy? I thought you said this was EASY and ENJOYABLE" Relax! First of all I never said starving yourself was going to be enjoyable, but eating healthy is a lot easier when you are Portioning. You want to buy things that you can get two or more meals from to make the cost worth it. The less you eat the smaller your stomach gets and the less you can eat in one sitting anyway, so in the long run your body will basically force you to not be able to finish a whole sandwich at one time. When you MUST spend money on food, don't run out and buy the whole dollar menu, go to a store and look for the same thing you enjoy with a lean twist, or a way to buy what you enjoy in bulk pre-portioned packs. Most things that say "Low Carb" "No Fat" or "Lean" aren't really that much better for you anyway, so it's the AMOUNT of what you are eating that is important. Just because Hot Pockets come 2 in a box, doesn't mean you need to eat both, and Lean Pockets taste just as damn good!
Substitution is the last part, and is as simple as it sounds. When you are hungry, drink something instead of eating something. A drink is most often cheaper than any kind of meal, even a small one, and can make you feel just as full if you drink something good. Obviously the more water you drink the better hydrated you are and the more you can flush your system, but let's face it, water isn't going to keep you from passing out at any given moment from the lack of nutrition your body is getting. Get water with vitamins, or a sports drink, if you are on the go. Coffee, tea (iced or hot) and fruit punch can be purchased as mixes so you can add as much or as little as you would like to some water. Obviously the less you use, the more drinks you will be able to make, cheaper. SODA IS NOT RECOMMENDED EVER. It will probably dehydrate you more, and since you are already starving yourself, it's not the best idea. Try to stay away from sugar as a whole as it is not very good for you, and if you live in America they are going to start taxing it anyway! Other substitutions for eating include: gum chewing, job hunting, smoking, sleeping, exercising and taking up a hobby. The most effective beside drinking is probably smoking as it will make you feel sick enough to not want to eat, and will shorten the life span that you want to be skinny for anyway!
And there you have it! You will have things you want, AND a nicer figure. All by simply refusing to pay for things you need, like food. When people ask you if you have an eating disorder, tell them to read up on the new awesome diet "Being Broke" here at OMB! When they tell you this is probably not a real diet and the person who writes this blog is a sarcastic prick who makes you think your bad ideas and lifestyles are perfectly OK, eat them...I'm sure you will be hungry enough to by then!
Hungrily Yours,
SarahM
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I have lost all but one last hope
I stumbled upon this website while roaming epicfail.com:
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=17475
I give up. I thought this world was fucked up before I came across anything like this but now I have lost hope. These people have sucked the last breath of common sense from the world. Is it really possible for people to be filled with so much hate? Is it really possible for people to think this way?
My only solice is in the fact that these people are using the Word of God to justify themselves and their thinking. From what I have seen in my few years on this planet and in this country, I have come to the conclusion that "God", in whatever form he is to anyone, has an awful sense of humor. The only hope I have left is the hope that they get to meet the Maker they worship, and He uses his own Word to justify Hisownself when slowly punishing them for who they are in this life.
This is one of, if not THE, saddest, grossest, most disturbing displays of thought in this world that I have ever had the misfortune of seeing for myself. God bless these people...they do not deserve it, but no one else has the power to save their souls beside Him.
mortifiedly yours,
SarahM
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=17475
I give up. I thought this world was fucked up before I came across anything like this but now I have lost hope. These people have sucked the last breath of common sense from the world. Is it really possible for people to be filled with so much hate? Is it really possible for people to think this way?
My only solice is in the fact that these people are using the Word of God to justify themselves and their thinking. From what I have seen in my few years on this planet and in this country, I have come to the conclusion that "God", in whatever form he is to anyone, has an awful sense of humor. The only hope I have left is the hope that they get to meet the Maker they worship, and He uses his own Word to justify Hisownself when slowly punishing them for who they are in this life.
This is one of, if not THE, saddest, grossest, most disturbing displays of thought in this world that I have ever had the misfortune of seeing for myself. God bless these people...they do not deserve it, but no one else has the power to save their souls beside Him.
mortifiedly yours,
SarahM
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Abominable Orange Snowman
The only thing worse than being able to notice someone's self esteem issues by their provocative clothing, is to be able to notice it by the color of their skin.
While I know that SOUNDS racist, I'm not talking about race, I'm talking about actually changing ones pigmentation to feel better about themselves. A little bit can look good, for example I have heard Rihanna uses some cream to lighten her skin, and we can all agree she is a babe. I have personally dabbled with sunscreens that contain a little fake-tan solution to even my summer-skin, and I too happen to be a babe. However when one goes too far, it's just embarrassing to think they believe it looks good.
By this paragraph I'm sure you are all thinking 'she must be referring to Michael Jackson!' and while you wouldn't be entirely incorrect, I'm leaning more toward the "dark" side. Specifically the frost-bitten-carrot look.
There should be a law that states unless you live in Florida or California, you should not be orange in December. In fact, unless you live in a bucket of carotene you probably shouldn't be orange at all. I know spray-tans are safer than fake-bakes, but too much of anything is going to give you cancer. Besides, can you really tell me you think orange is a good color on you, or ANYTHING other than an actual orange?
If you look like this:
http://cosmetic-candy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/the-future-truly-is-orange-for-newly-single-fake-tan-fan-chelsy-davy-mail-online.jpg
...you are tanning in the WRONG season. You are also going to wreck your skin and scare little children. Others don't envy you, they laugh at your day-glo skin against the white snow as soon as you are out of earshot. People like this are sad and more noticable than someone who starves themself to look good...anyone can be skinny, but what nationality has orange skin in the winter? Is there a country called "Stupid?" - maybe that is something that doesn't exist but should too!
So knock it off, spring-break-bound college kids. Take a step back (prefferably AWAY from the tanning salon) you self proclaimed "Jersey Shore" wannabes. And don't even bother teeny-bopper...the UV rays are getting to your brains - There is no reason you should feel good about looking like a Jolly ORANGE Giant
...unless you hang out with a crowd like this:
http://www.selftanningqueen.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Guido-Guidette9.jpg
And if this is the case, I would have to suggest you invest in new friends!
Naturally Yours,
SarahM
While I know that SOUNDS racist, I'm not talking about race, I'm talking about actually changing ones pigmentation to feel better about themselves. A little bit can look good, for example I have heard Rihanna uses some cream to lighten her skin, and we can all agree she is a babe. I have personally dabbled with sunscreens that contain a little fake-tan solution to even my summer-skin, and I too happen to be a babe. However when one goes too far, it's just embarrassing to think they believe it looks good.
By this paragraph I'm sure you are all thinking 'she must be referring to Michael Jackson!' and while you wouldn't be entirely incorrect, I'm leaning more toward the "dark" side. Specifically the frost-bitten-carrot look.
There should be a law that states unless you live in Florida or California, you should not be orange in December. In fact, unless you live in a bucket of carotene you probably shouldn't be orange at all. I know spray-tans are safer than fake-bakes, but too much of anything is going to give you cancer. Besides, can you really tell me you think orange is a good color on you, or ANYTHING other than an actual orange?
If you look like this:
http://cosmetic-candy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/the-future-truly-is-orange-for-newly-single-fake-tan-fan-chelsy-davy-mail-online.jpg
...you are tanning in the WRONG season. You are also going to wreck your skin and scare little children. Others don't envy you, they laugh at your day-glo skin against the white snow as soon as you are out of earshot. People like this are sad and more noticable than someone who starves themself to look good...anyone can be skinny, but what nationality has orange skin in the winter? Is there a country called "Stupid?" - maybe that is something that doesn't exist but should too!
So knock it off, spring-break-bound college kids. Take a step back (prefferably AWAY from the tanning salon) you self proclaimed "Jersey Shore" wannabes. And don't even bother teeny-bopper...the UV rays are getting to your brains - There is no reason you should feel good about looking like a Jolly ORANGE Giant
...unless you hang out with a crowd like this:
http://www.selftanningqueen.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Guido-Guidette9.jpg
And if this is the case, I would have to suggest you invest in new friends!
Naturally Yours,
SarahM
Friday, March 19, 2010
BEAT YOUR KIDS!
Or else I'm going to have to do it for you...
Kids today, to put it plainly, are ignorant...and that is YOUR fault. Ignorance, by definition, is a lack of knowledge, which would be understandable in a child. They are children, and children lack pretty much everything with the exception of looking cute, and that isn't even always a give-in. Your child does NOT know what is best for them, in fact they don't even know what they like and don't like and it's their own opinion. So for the love of all that is good, do the world a favor and crack yours every once in a while when they get out of line!
I see bad parenting all the time. In the junk food isle of a store when a parent is reaching for crappy junk food and the kid is screaming "I want THAT ::insert sugary-bad-for-you-makes-your-kid-a-porker snack here:: too" - In the music store when a parent is purchasing a parental advisory CD for their too-young-to-purchase-it-myself teenager who just so happens to be wearing more lipstick than his mother - On the street (or in my friends own homes) as they puff away at their cigarettes while holding their infants...it's disturbing...and it's EVERYWHERE
These are the same parents that will one day wonder why their kid is fat, emotionally unstable, or cancer ridden. The same parents that will probably blame television or the Internet or magazine ads and try to sue, because one would assume any asshole that lets their kid act like that is just another leech on the American economy, and would rather have someone else give them money so they don't personally have to put out for the medical treatments their kids wouldn't have needed in the first place. Sadly, this all could be avoided if that parent would have done one simple thing...::SMACK!::
Now, don't go blaming me when DHS comes knocking because you beat your kids too much. I'm not saying a child should cower in fear every time you walk into a room, but a child should respect you without expecting the same level of respect in return. Your child does not pay the bills or purchase the groceries. They have no say in how much time they can watch TV, take a shower, or blast the air conditioner you already mistakenly put in their room. They have no say over the things they will consume during dinner, which should be at the dinner table or at least in the same room as the rest of the family (who is eating the same thing whether they like it or not) so sturdy conversations can be held, especially regarding things that are not avoidable such as the way celebrities act like slutty fools. If they feel they do, give them a little whack on the tush to remind them who is boss.
I remember when I was young, after a good crack and a stern talking to, I would always tell my mother if I ever had children I would never lay a finger on them...well that bologna has a first name, and its called Ignorance. Watching all this bad parenting that indefinitely floats in my face has made me realize how glad I am that my parents DID correct me, and not just by yelling or explaining-yet-letting-stuff-slide, but by physically reminding me of my place in the world. I was a kid, I was ignorant to the reasons for their "abuse" - not because they didn't explain, but because I was a child, and children are ignorant until they can learn better. But with the lack of discipline these days the children are growing up, but they aren't learning anything, and so the vicious cycle of being ignorant continues.
Giving your kid a smack when they step out of line does NOT mean you do not love them, in fact quite the opposite. If you love your child you wouldn't want them to grow up to be an ignorant loser, but they will be if they continue to think it is OK to be that way, which is mostly by your own example. Talk to your kids, work on establishing good communication and discuss the unavoidable waves of crap that are streamlined to these kids computers, cell phones and MP3 players (great corresponding blog article: http://truthonice.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/r-i-p-virtuous-women/) However when you see your daughter dressing like this, smack her and send her to get changed. And if she snuck out of the house like that, smack her twice when you find out later, once of the outfit, twice for the deceit! Trust me, your kids will thank you when they have kids of their own the do not know how to deal with.
Rod Spoiledly Yours,
Sarah M.
Kids today, to put it plainly, are ignorant...and that is YOUR fault. Ignorance, by definition, is a lack of knowledge, which would be understandable in a child. They are children, and children lack pretty much everything with the exception of looking cute, and that isn't even always a give-in. Your child does NOT know what is best for them, in fact they don't even know what they like and don't like and it's their own opinion. So for the love of all that is good, do the world a favor and crack yours every once in a while when they get out of line!
I see bad parenting all the time. In the junk food isle of a store when a parent is reaching for crappy junk food and the kid is screaming "I want THAT ::insert sugary-bad-for-you-makes-your-kid-a-porker snack here:: too" - In the music store when a parent is purchasing a parental advisory CD for their too-young-to-purchase-it-myself teenager who just so happens to be wearing more lipstick than his mother - On the street (or in my friends own homes) as they puff away at their cigarettes while holding their infants...it's disturbing...and it's EVERYWHERE
These are the same parents that will one day wonder why their kid is fat, emotionally unstable, or cancer ridden. The same parents that will probably blame television or the Internet or magazine ads and try to sue, because one would assume any asshole that lets their kid act like that is just another leech on the American economy, and would rather have someone else give them money so they don't personally have to put out for the medical treatments their kids wouldn't have needed in the first place. Sadly, this all could be avoided if that parent would have done one simple thing...::SMACK!::
Now, don't go blaming me when DHS comes knocking because you beat your kids too much. I'm not saying a child should cower in fear every time you walk into a room, but a child should respect you without expecting the same level of respect in return. Your child does not pay the bills or purchase the groceries. They have no say in how much time they can watch TV, take a shower, or blast the air conditioner you already mistakenly put in their room. They have no say over the things they will consume during dinner, which should be at the dinner table or at least in the same room as the rest of the family (who is eating the same thing whether they like it or not) so sturdy conversations can be held, especially regarding things that are not avoidable such as the way celebrities act like slutty fools. If they feel they do, give them a little whack on the tush to remind them who is boss.
I remember when I was young, after a good crack and a stern talking to, I would always tell my mother if I ever had children I would never lay a finger on them...well that bologna has a first name, and its called Ignorance. Watching all this bad parenting that indefinitely floats in my face has made me realize how glad I am that my parents DID correct me, and not just by yelling or explaining-yet-letting-stuff-slide, but by physically reminding me of my place in the world. I was a kid, I was ignorant to the reasons for their "abuse" - not because they didn't explain, but because I was a child, and children are ignorant until they can learn better. But with the lack of discipline these days the children are growing up, but they aren't learning anything, and so the vicious cycle of being ignorant continues.
Giving your kid a smack when they step out of line does NOT mean you do not love them, in fact quite the opposite. If you love your child you wouldn't want them to grow up to be an ignorant loser, but they will be if they continue to think it is OK to be that way, which is mostly by your own example. Talk to your kids, work on establishing good communication and discuss the unavoidable waves of crap that are streamlined to these kids computers, cell phones and MP3 players (great corresponding blog article: http://truthonice.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/r-i-p-virtuous-women/) However when you see your daughter dressing like this, smack her and send her to get changed. And if she snuck out of the house like that, smack her twice when you find out later, once of the outfit, twice for the deceit! Trust me, your kids will thank you when they have kids of their own the do not know how to deal with.
Rod Spoiledly Yours,
Sarah M.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Best Job In The World
Every working stiff has just one goal. To earn enough to not work anymore. Well my friends, I am here to tell you it's worth a load of elephant poo.
You get up early, you make yourself up to look nice for the world, you hustle to your favorite spot to wait for the train with everyone else, you make it to work 10 minutes early to be ready when it's time to start, you bang out a productive work day and make your trek home for the night where you make dinner, do chores, and go to bed early to make sure you can do it all the next day. You work hard, you budget your time and money, you even give up hobbies to make more time to make more money. This is your plan for the next 50 years of your life and while it sucks, and you know it sucks, and everyone standing next to you waiting for the train is thinking about the same way their life sucks too, the only thing that keeps you going is the thought of retiring early and using your hard earned savings to enjoy laying around, floating from new place to new place, and never having to do a days work again...Problem? You are doing it wrong.
There is a faster and easier way to get to the "50 years from now" life you feel the need to imagine to get you through your present, and that is called being a bum. No one wants to be a bum except for bums because only they know the real happiness that comes from just getting by, kind of the way only a stripper wants to be a stripper because she knows money is the tits, and is as easy to get as showing them. Bums sit around wherever they want all day being given things from strangers just for existing. Think about the last time you didn't shower for a week...did anyone give you a dollar? Probably not. But how many dollars in bills or loose change have you given out to strangers this week? You could have saved that money...you need it 50 years from now remember? Now that guy who hasn't taken a shower in a week has it to do whatever he'd like with it, and you can't even buy yourself your morning coffee.
What better job could there be than to not have to worry about having a job? That guy who just took your change and didn't even say 'thank you' is already laying around, floating from new place to new place, and isn't the least bit concerned about where his next meal or cigarette will come from and certainly isn't concerned about working to get them. You, on the other hand, are stressing out about how you are going to pay your bills while reading this blog to procrastinate work to certify that you will have a job to do tomorrow and every other day for the next 40-something years. And the ones who are not are only trying to convince themselves that they would rather be miserable and stressed out, rather scrimp and save for an uncertain future, than coast along without any worries because society tells them people get more out of life when they are clean and pretty and rich (you're sure you're at least one of those...right?) those people probably need to read more of my previous posts too
The obvious answer is to quit...everything. Stop trying to look nice, stop working, stop having dreams. Just plain stop depending on a future that you can't predict. Wouldn't you be even more miserable if you spent your life being miserable so you could be rich and happy one day and you died from an anxiety attack before you got to be rich and happy? If everyone decided to live their life without the restrictions of what society tells us is what we need to be happy, society would crumble and we could all go back to the field-frolicking, before-common-era civilizations that promoted art, science, and imagination. Everyone would understand the importance of having nothing and would be more apt to share. People would be nicer to one another, and social classes would start to fade. Doing nothing is definitely the fastest way to do nothing!
I wish you all luck with your new lifestyles! As for me, it's time to get back to work...
lazily yours,
Sarah M
You get up early, you make yourself up to look nice for the world, you hustle to your favorite spot to wait for the train with everyone else, you make it to work 10 minutes early to be ready when it's time to start, you bang out a productive work day and make your trek home for the night where you make dinner, do chores, and go to bed early to make sure you can do it all the next day. You work hard, you budget your time and money, you even give up hobbies to make more time to make more money. This is your plan for the next 50 years of your life and while it sucks, and you know it sucks, and everyone standing next to you waiting for the train is thinking about the same way their life sucks too, the only thing that keeps you going is the thought of retiring early and using your hard earned savings to enjoy laying around, floating from new place to new place, and never having to do a days work again...Problem? You are doing it wrong.
There is a faster and easier way to get to the "50 years from now" life you feel the need to imagine to get you through your present, and that is called being a bum. No one wants to be a bum except for bums because only they know the real happiness that comes from just getting by, kind of the way only a stripper wants to be a stripper because she knows money is the tits, and is as easy to get as showing them. Bums sit around wherever they want all day being given things from strangers just for existing. Think about the last time you didn't shower for a week...did anyone give you a dollar? Probably not. But how many dollars in bills or loose change have you given out to strangers this week? You could have saved that money...you need it 50 years from now remember? Now that guy who hasn't taken a shower in a week has it to do whatever he'd like with it, and you can't even buy yourself your morning coffee.
What better job could there be than to not have to worry about having a job? That guy who just took your change and didn't even say 'thank you' is already laying around, floating from new place to new place, and isn't the least bit concerned about where his next meal or cigarette will come from and certainly isn't concerned about working to get them. You, on the other hand, are stressing out about how you are going to pay your bills while reading this blog to procrastinate work to certify that you will have a job to do tomorrow and every other day for the next 40-something years. And the ones who are not are only trying to convince themselves that they would rather be miserable and stressed out, rather scrimp and save for an uncertain future, than coast along without any worries because society tells them people get more out of life when they are clean and pretty and rich (you're sure you're at least one of those...right?) those people probably need to read more of my previous posts too
The obvious answer is to quit...everything. Stop trying to look nice, stop working, stop having dreams. Just plain stop depending on a future that you can't predict. Wouldn't you be even more miserable if you spent your life being miserable so you could be rich and happy one day and you died from an anxiety attack before you got to be rich and happy? If everyone decided to live their life without the restrictions of what society tells us is what we need to be happy, society would crumble and we could all go back to the field-frolicking, before-common-era civilizations that promoted art, science, and imagination. Everyone would understand the importance of having nothing and would be more apt to share. People would be nicer to one another, and social classes would start to fade. Doing nothing is definitely the fastest way to do nothing!
I wish you all luck with your new lifestyles! As for me, it's time to get back to work...
lazily yours,
Sarah M
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tis the Season
Hoodie and Flip-flop season that is!
In the very rare and weird case that you don't know what a hoodie or flip-flops are, let me explain. A hoodie is a jacket with a hood. Simple enough, right? Generally they have a zipper as opposed to pulling it over your head. Although both are technically hoodies, I personally prefer the zipper as you can then match your shirt to your hoodie and wear it as an accessory to your outfit rather than just a jacket to keep you warm.
Flip-flops are what Australians call "thongs." In America though, a "thong" is underwear worn by young women who want to appear as if they have no pantie line in their tight pants, or who want to seem easy by letting the top strings peek out of their pants to resemble something like a slingshot. Flip-flips however, are shoes, or sandals if you will. They are made of a flat sole with a Y shaped strap that holds between the first and second toes. Very freeing indeed.
So why the hype about hoodies and flip-flops? For starters, they're just plain comfortable! Comfortable and fun! A hoodie can be any color, pattern or length you prefer. It isn't just a jacket, but a fashion statement. Personally, I wear the short hoodies that only cover the upper chest with dresses, baggy hoodies with tighter clothing, or an outrageously vivid hoodie with my dark solid color slacks to add just a little bit of pizazz to my mundane "business casual" attire. Flip-flops can be just as outrageous, or a solid color, but are super easy to match to anything! Two pair could last you an entire "season" - One in black and one in a lighter bright color of your preference - You now have all the shoes you need from May to October!
Another reason is the signification of the "season" itself - "Hoodie and Flip-flop season" runs from the first nice day in May (no need to wait until Memorial Day) until about Halloween or some time after depending on your current earthly location. Which is basically an extended summer. Who doesn't want to believe their summer is longer than the three months designated by the school system? Being a working adult, I don't get a summer vacation or a three month stint away from work, so I will choose to make my "summer" as long as I damn well please. If wearing hoodies and flip-flops instead of coats and shoes means one can pretend it is summer for 7 months instead of 3, then doesn't this season explain it's own reason for being? "Hoodie and Flip-flop season" is an easy fun way for adults to pretend they are enjoying themselves more so than if they were doing the same thing they would be doing anyway, but didn't get to be a little comfortable and expressive while doing it.
At the end of the day, you could chalk the whole thing up to laziness (picking one jacket and slipping on shoes instead of contemplating an entire outfit) but it doesn't detract from the fact that it still makes you feel good. Yes, quite often it is the simple things in life that make us feel the best. So kick off your shoes and slip into your flip- flops. Hang up your coat and grab a hoodie. Relax and let a little color make the smile on your face even wider. It's hoodie and flip-flop season...embrace it for as long as you can!
Cheerfully yours,
Sarah M.
In the very rare and weird case that you don't know what a hoodie or flip-flops are, let me explain. A hoodie is a jacket with a hood. Simple enough, right? Generally they have a zipper as opposed to pulling it over your head. Although both are technically hoodies, I personally prefer the zipper as you can then match your shirt to your hoodie and wear it as an accessory to your outfit rather than just a jacket to keep you warm.
Flip-flops are what Australians call "thongs." In America though, a "thong" is underwear worn by young women who want to appear as if they have no pantie line in their tight pants, or who want to seem easy by letting the top strings peek out of their pants to resemble something like a slingshot. Flip-flips however, are shoes, or sandals if you will. They are made of a flat sole with a Y shaped strap that holds between the first and second toes. Very freeing indeed.
So why the hype about hoodies and flip-flops? For starters, they're just plain comfortable! Comfortable and fun! A hoodie can be any color, pattern or length you prefer. It isn't just a jacket, but a fashion statement. Personally, I wear the short hoodies that only cover the upper chest with dresses, baggy hoodies with tighter clothing, or an outrageously vivid hoodie with my dark solid color slacks to add just a little bit of pizazz to my mundane "business casual" attire. Flip-flops can be just as outrageous, or a solid color, but are super easy to match to anything! Two pair could last you an entire "season" - One in black and one in a lighter bright color of your preference - You now have all the shoes you need from May to October!
Another reason is the signification of the "season" itself - "Hoodie and Flip-flop season" runs from the first nice day in May (no need to wait until Memorial Day) until about Halloween or some time after depending on your current earthly location. Which is basically an extended summer. Who doesn't want to believe their summer is longer than the three months designated by the school system? Being a working adult, I don't get a summer vacation or a three month stint away from work, so I will choose to make my "summer" as long as I damn well please. If wearing hoodies and flip-flops instead of coats and shoes means one can pretend it is summer for 7 months instead of 3, then doesn't this season explain it's own reason for being? "Hoodie and Flip-flop season" is an easy fun way for adults to pretend they are enjoying themselves more so than if they were doing the same thing they would be doing anyway, but didn't get to be a little comfortable and expressive while doing it.
At the end of the day, you could chalk the whole thing up to laziness (picking one jacket and slipping on shoes instead of contemplating an entire outfit) but it doesn't detract from the fact that it still makes you feel good. Yes, quite often it is the simple things in life that make us feel the best. So kick off your shoes and slip into your flip- flops. Hang up your coat and grab a hoodie. Relax and let a little color make the smile on your face even wider. It's hoodie and flip-flop season...embrace it for as long as you can!
Cheerfully yours,
Sarah M.
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