The Best Job In The World

Every working stiff has just one goal. To earn enough to not work anymore. Well my friends, I am here to tell you it's worth a load of elephant poo.


You get up early, you make yourself up to look nice for the world, you hustle to your favorite spot to wait for the train with everyone else, you make it to work 10 minutes early to be ready when it's time to start, you bang out a productive work day and make your trek home for the night where you make dinner, do chores, and go to bed early to make sure you can do it all the next day. You work hard, you budget your time and money, you even give up hobbies to make more time to make more money. This is your plan for the next 50 years of your life and while it sucks, and you know it sucks, and everyone standing next to you waiting for the train is thinking about the same way their life sucks too, the only thing that keeps you going is the thought of retiring early and using your hard earned savings to enjoy laying around, floating from new place to new place, and never having to do a days work again...Problem? You are doing it wrong.


There is a faster and easier way to get to the "50 years from now" life you feel the need to imagine to get you through your present, and that is called being a bum. No one wants to be a bum except for bums because only they know the real happiness that comes from just getting by, kind of the way only a stripper wants to be a stripper because she knows money is the tits, and is as easy to get as showing them. Bums sit around wherever they want all day being given things from strangers just for existing. Think about the last time you didn't shower for a week...did anyone give you a dollar? Probably not. But how many dollars in bills or loose change have you given out to strangers this week? You could have saved that money...you need it 50 years from now remember? Now that guy who hasn't taken a shower in a week has it to do whatever he'd like with it, and you can't even buy yourself your morning coffee.



What better job could there be than to not have to worry about having a job? That guy who just took your change and didn't even say 'thank you' is already laying around, floating from new place to new place, and isn't the least bit concerned about where his next meal or cigarette will come from and certainly isn't concerned about working to get them. You, on the other hand, are stressing out about how you are going to pay your bills while reading this blog to procrastinate work to certify that you will have a job to do tomorrow and every other day for the next 40-something years. And the ones who are not are only trying to convince themselves that they would rather be miserable and stressed out, rather scrimp and save for an uncertain future, than coast along without any worries because society tells them people get more out of life when they are clean and pretty and rich (you're sure you're at least one of those...right?) those people probably need to read more of my previous posts too



The obvious answer is to quit...everything. Stop trying to look nice, stop working, stop having dreams. Just plain stop depending on a future that you can't predict. Wouldn't you be even more miserable if you spent your life being miserable so you could be rich and happy one day and you died from an anxiety attack before you got to be rich and happy? If everyone decided to live their life without the restrictions of what society tells us is what we need to be happy, society would crumble and we could all go back to the field-frolicking, before-common-era civilizations that promoted art, science, and imagination. Everyone would understand the importance of having nothing and would be more apt to share. People would be nicer to one another, and social classes would start to fade. Doing nothing is definitely the fastest way to do nothing!


I wish you all luck with your new lifestyles! As for me, it's time to get back to work...

lazily yours,
Sarah M